She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
