i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
