I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
