I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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