Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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