Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
