I showed him my bush... on skype.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
