just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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