There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
