He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
