he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
