his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I have vodka in my lungs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
