maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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