ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
