how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
