I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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