I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
