I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
