Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just high enough for therapy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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