I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
