We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
