Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
