It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
