what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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