the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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