Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
