last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
