I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
