The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
