dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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