There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
