There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
