Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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