Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
