HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
