someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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