I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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