Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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