she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
