I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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