Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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