I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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