we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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