the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
