Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
