So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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