Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
