He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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