I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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