maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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