What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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