I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
