i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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