people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
