I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
