this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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