five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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