It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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