i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize