this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
