Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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