you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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