and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
