I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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